Stressed spelled backwards is Desserts

This house-buying process is so STRESSFUL!  There have been so many papers to send in, inspections to pay for, hoops to jump through.  I wish there was a person I could hire to do this un-fun part of buying a house, then I'd just move in and start decorating!  First you have to get approved for a loan, and they ask for basically a full biography of your entire life from the womb to present.  Documented.  With explanations of every detail. Once you get all that turned in, then they decide if they want to nit-pick every little thing you just gave them and ask for MORE explanations.  Finally, when you get all that done and get approved for your loan, then they load you down with required inspections.  You have to have a home inspection, home appraisal, pest inspection, water test (3 of those), septic inspection.  All of which you have to pay for separately, and they ain't cheap!  Then, they say, "Oh, by the way, we see (now that you've already paid to have your well water tested) that you have public water hookup (which doesn't require testing).  Pay a plumber to come out and give you an estimate to hook up to that.  If it's really expensive, we won't make you hook up (but we still make you pay for the separate inspection).  If not, you have to hook up (which is another additional cost that you weren't expecting) to public water and the well water tests you already paid for were for nothing."  So we do that.  After paying a plumber to come out, they decide you don't have to hook up.  Which is good, since we didn't want to hook up to public water in the first place.  THEN, our well water test comes back positive for bacteria.  So we had to go back and request that the sellers "shock" the well with Clorox.  Then send off another sample to be tested (for an additional fee).  That comes back positive again.  Back to the well to get yet another sample to send off (again, for an additional fee).  FINALLY... everything comes back clean and we are ready to roll.  Now if we could just get USDA to finish up, we'd be ready to close.  You think you're worn out from reading this?  Just try doing it in real life!